


You And I Were Fireworks

by silenceisscreaming



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Fireworks, M/M, Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 13:27:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11403360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/silenceisscreaming/pseuds/silenceisscreaming
Summary: It's July 4th and Steve is going home.





	You And I Were Fireworks

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Neither Marvel nor the song Fourth of July belong to me. That's all Stan Lee (and all the other people involved) and Fall Out Boy.

_I’ll be as honest as you let me_  
_I miss your early morning company_  
_If you get me_  
_You are my favorite "what if,"_  
_You are my best "I’ll never know."_

Steve fell asleep on the quinjet somewhere over the Atlantic and didn’t wake until Sam shook him as they were landing at JFK. He looked out the window and scrunched up his face in confusion when he recognized where they were. All Natasha had told him was that a Hydra base had been found on the east coast and it was their job to see what had been left behind and if there was any useful information to be found. It was early morning of the 4th and New York was already celebrating. It was difficult to look anywhere without seeing an American flag and Steve ducked his head as they walked through the airport to avoid getting recognized.

“What are we doing here, Nat?” he asked quietly as he followed her to a car. “I’m still a fugitive. We all are. We’re going to get arrested.”

She smirked. “Relax, grandpa. I’ve got it covered.”

Steve didn’t bother asking what she meant by that, just got into the car behind Sam. Nat got into the front and the driver pulled away from the curb without asking for a destination. Steve was getting suspicious. At least he was until he found himself in his old neighbourhood. He had gone back when he’d come out of the ice, just to see how things had changed. His apartment building was still there, brown brick and across the street from a church. The shop on the main floor was now a pharmacy and there was construction happening down the road but Steve still kind of felt like he was home.

The car slowed to a stop and everyone got out. Natasha grinned at him as he stepped out next to her.

“This is where you grew up?” she asked. Steve nodded.

There was a sign on the window telling them there were units for lease. It was evident the building had been renovated as the suites looked much more modern and upscale than when Steve had lived here.

They walked into the lobby, which was farther than Steve had gotten the last time he was here, and he noticed a big plaque on the wall declaring this the childhood home of Steve Rogers AKA Captain America. Steve sighed to himself but it was to be expected he supposed.

“You wanna lead the way, Rogers?” Natasha says turning around. Steve moves ahead of the group and heads toward the stairs. There hadn’t been an elevator when Steve lived here.

The group arrived on the seventh floor and traipsed down the hall to apartment number 9. There was once again a plague stating this suite had once been Steve’s.

“Is this place open to the public?” Steve asked. “Like a tourist thing?”

“Nah man. But we called ahead,” Sam said and pulled out a key. He unlocked the door, pushed it open and stepped aside, allowing Steve to walk through first.

For Steve it was like stepping back through time. This apartment had been preserved. The wallpaper was peeling in places, betraying the age of the room, and the carpet was heavily frayed. It didn’t look like it belonged in this building. The signs had shown bright rooms with granite kitchen tops and hardwood floors. This room had a grayish hue everywhere but where the morning sun shown through the large windows. The windows had always been the best part of this place for Steve. They let the light in and gave Steve a view of the city that always inspired him to draw. He realized mildly that he hadn’t so much as sketched since he had seen Bucky on that bridge what felt like a lifetime ago.

His old couch was where he had left it, worn down with a spring visibly poking through the cushions. There was a beaten up coffee table in front of the couch with an old newspaper lying on it. Steve suspected the newspaper had been added later as he didn’t remember leaving it there. The kitchen was small and it looked like the lighting fixture had long since broke. The fridge was not functional and it looked like the old stove hadn’t been turned on since Steve’s last attempt at a meal.

He stepped further into the room, noticing the paper tacked to the wall; his own sketches as he hadn’t been able to afford proper decorations. His friends followed in behind him, spreading out to take their own look around at what had once been Steve’s life.

Steve let them look and moved down the hallway to the small bedroom. The door was cracked just a bit and he slowly reached up and pushed it open. He gasped in amazement.

“Bucky?”

There, sitting on the old bed with the musty blankets was his best friend. Bucky had been in cryo for over a year now. Ever since the fight with Tony tore apart the Avengers. Steve had been spending most of his time working with T’Challa and the scientists to come up with a way to delete the Hydra programming so he could wake his friend. But now here he was in front of him.

Bucky stood up carefully, still getting used to balancing his weight without his left arm. Steve knew that T’Challa had been working on a new one for him. Made of vibranium and lighter than his old one. Not quite ready though.

Suddenly Steve found himself crushed to Bucky’s chest as his friend hugged him tightly.

“Hey Stevie,” Bucky said squeezing gently, “Happy birthday, punk.”

Steve chuckled and pulled back to look at Bucky more carefully. He was in jeans and a red t-shirt. His hair had been pulled back into a ponytail and he had shaved. He looked more like himself than he had since Steve found him and Steve couldn’t help but tear up slightly.

“What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be in cryo,” Steve questioned, his voice cracking.

“I know. And I’m not staying. But I didn’t want to miss your birthday. It’s not everyday your best friend turns ninety-nine.”

Steve snorted, “At least I'm not a 100, like some people in this room. And besides, I’m technically only thirty-two.”

“You keep telling yourself that, old man.”

“So you guys planned all this?” Steve asked, ignoring the quip.

Bucky shrugged. “It’s not much. Just figured we could see the old place, wander the neighbourhood. I haven’t been back until now. Thought maybe we could watch the fireworks from the Brooklyn Bridge Park.”

“Yeah, I’d like that,” Steve said, smiling softly. He heard the floor creek behind him and turned to find his friends standing in the doorway with smug smiles on their faces.

“Gotcha,” said Sam proudly. Steve laughed and moved to hug his friends, his family.

“Thanks, guys.”

“Alright, enough touchy-feely,” Natasha said, “Let’s go, I want a bagel.”

The group spent the rest of the morning and most of the afternoon wandering through Steve’s old neighborhood. Steve and Bucky told the group stories from their childhood, revealing that Bucky had lived with Steve for several years before heading into the war.

“I would’ve enlisted sooner but I didn’t want to leave Steve. He was always sick and I was always worried the next bout of pneumonia would be the last. Especially since he didn’t know what was good for him and was always getting into trouble.”

“Hey,” Steve interjected, “I was perfectly fine on my own while you were gone.”

Bucky didn’t reply, just shook his head fondly and bumped Steve’s arm with his own. Steve moved into him and said softly, “Missed you though.”

They ate a late dinner at a small Italian café just down the block from the apartment, the staff bringing out a large chocolate cupcake with an icing American flag and a candle on it at Natasha’s request. Steve begrudgingly blew out the candle and moved to take a bite of it when Bucky slapped him hard on the back and he smushed the cupcake on his face. His friends howled with laughter until Steve took the rest of the cupcake and smeared it on Bucky’s cheek.

After dinner, they headed northwest toward Brooklyn Bridge Park. They followed the throngs of people toward the edge of the water and found themselves a place to sit on the grass with a good view of the river.

Bucky sat down next to Steve, his arm nudging Steve’s companionably. Natasha sat herself on Steve’s other side and Sam next to Bucky.

“Hey guys, thanks,” Steve said, “This has been one of the best birthdays I’ve ever had.”

“That’s good,” Sam said, “cause you’re never getting another one like this. This was a lot of work.”

Steve smirked knowing Sam didn’t mean it.

“Tony helped,” Natasha said and Steve looked at her sharply. “He’s making sure no one bothers us. Temporarily, of course. After tomorrow, we’re fair game.”

“That’s surprisingly nice of him,” Steve replied.

“No kidding,” Bucky said softly. Steve knew Bucky still felt guilty that he had been the one to kill Howard and Maria. Steve placed his hand gently on Bucky’s knee and squeezed.

There were families in the park behind them, children playing games and teenagers setting off sparklers before the Macy’s show began. The sun was sinking behind the Manhattan skyline providing some relief from the heat. The friends shared stories, some from childhood, some from missions. Steve and Natasha told Sam and Bucky all about Ultron and how Wanda and Peitro had become Avengers. Natasha pulled out her phone and showed them pictures of baby Nathaniel.

“You guys ever thought of settling down?” Sam asked the group. Natasha grimaced.

“I’ve got trust issues for miles and kids aren’t in the cards for me,” she said.

“You can still adopt,” Bucky interjected. He knew all about what the KGB had done to the girls in the Red Room. He had been brought in to train several groups and had been privy to classified information.

“Yeah, maybe,” Natasha replied wistfully. “What about you boys? Steve, how are things going with Sharon?”

“I’d rather not talk about it,” Steve answered, blushing slightly.

Natasha rolled her eyes but paid attention to the interest on Bucky’s face at his best friend’s words.

They continued talking and joking around for a while before a Frisbee flew past them and a young boy when running after it. The child looked about six and he was dressed in a Captain America costume. Bucky nudged him and laughed.

“Hey Cap,” Sam said, “I thought it was your birthday, not Halloween.”

“Ha ha,” Steve said sarcastically. “That’s hilarious.”

Inwardly, Steve smiled to himself. It was nice to see that Captain America was still seen as a hero even after he essentially said screw you to the government.

A short while later, when clouds had moved over the city and it was starting to drizzle, the first of the Macy’s fireworks exploded, shocking the park into silence. The group watched as the show began, the colors exploding outward, illuminating the sky.

Bucky nudged Steve. “Looks like they remembered your birthday.”

Steve chuckled. When they were kids, Bucky had Steve convinced that the fireworks were specifically for Steve because of his birthday. It wasn’t until they were about twelve that Steve overheard some kids talking about the Independence Day fireworks. He had gotten mad at Bucky for all of five minutes before realizing that to Bucky, the fireworks were for Steve. Steve was more important than America.

It wasn’t until they were about ten minutes in that Steve noticed something was wrong. And he only noticed because Bucky whimpered. Steve turned to him and was surprised to see Bucky curled in on himself, hand over one of his ears, eyes shut tight. Steve hadn’t even noticed he’d moved. Sam was already facing Bucky, trying to talk to him over the boom of the fireworks. Steve cautiously reached out a hand and placed it on Bucky’s arm. Bucky flinched slightly but didn’t move away. Steve rubbed his hand back and forth, moving closer to him so he could be heard.

“Bucky!” he yelled. “Hey, look at me.”

Bucky shook his head and didn’t open his eyes. Steve moved so he was in front of Bucky, shadowing him from the light of the fireworks. He pulled Bucky’s hand away from his head and lifted his face. Bucky was shaking but he slowly opened his eyes. Steve had gotten very close to him and had bracketed Bucky’s head in his hands.

“Breathe, Buck,” he said comfortingly, “you gotta breathe.”

Bucky took a big gasping breath and grabbed onto Steve as tight as he could. Steve looked up at Sam.

“Sam, I need you to sit behind him. Like a wall,” Steve instructed and Sam moved to do just that. Slowly, Bucky’s shaking slowed. The group had all but forgotten the show behind them they were so focused on helping Bucky in whatever way they could. When Bucky was finally breathing normally, Steve pulled him up to stand and turned him around. They left the park quickly, luckily finding a cab nearby. The walk back to the apartment wasn’t long but Steve wasn’t sure Bucky was up to it so opted for the shorter drive.

They arrived back at the apartment and Steve pulled Bucky out of the cab. He was whimpering and his eyes were kept closed as much as possible. Every time a firework went off he flinched despite the distance they now were from the show. Steve wrapped an arm around Bucky and got him inside the apartment. This time he took the elevator to make it easier. When they got to 709, Sam opened the door again and Steve led Bucky through to the bedroom. He sat Bucky down on the bed and crawled up next to him, wrapping his arms around his friend. Bucky buried his face in Steve’s chest and clung to him like a child. Steve ran his fingers through the hair that had fallen down around Bucky’s face from his ponytail.

The other two hovered anxiously, not sure what to do. Steve grimaced at them.

“PTSD,” he said quietly, Sam nodding in agreement, “I had a similar reaction my first firework show after I came out of the ice. I’ve gotten better. I’m fine as long as I know it’s coming but this is probably the first time Buck has seen them since the 40s.”

“What can we do to help?” Natasha asked warmly. Steve smiled at her.

“I think we’ll be okay. Once he calms down or falls asleep. Are we allowed to stay here?”

“Of course,” Natasha replied, “this place is yours. We’ve got a hotel reservation nearby. We’ll be there if you need anything.”

“I would give you some tips on how to deal with this but it looks like you’ve got it figured out,” Sam said nodding toward Bucky who was already much calmer.

“Yeah, I’m good. Thanks guys,” Steve replied. The two left them, Sam leaving the key to the front door on the kitchen counter.

Steve looked down at Bucky whose face had relaxed slightly. The fireworks had ended and there was a blissful silence. Steve started humming, some song with no real melody, just something soothing to fill the silence. He felt Bucky relax a bit more and Steve looked down at him.

“Buck? How are you feeling?” Steve asked. Bucky opened his eyes and looked up at him.

“Better. I’m sorry, Steve. I didn’t know I’d freak out like that. I ruined your birthday,” Bucky whispered.

“No you didn’t,” Steve assured him. “Just having you here makes this birthday amazing. This is a totally normal reaction for soldiers, you know.”

“Still embarrassing though.”

“I don’t see why. You went through something traumatic. Fireworks remind you of that. It’s okay to react negatively. I used to be the same way. It gets easier. I’m sure Sam could help you out with some coping strategies.”

“I think this is helping,” Bucky said blushing slightly. Steve tightens his hold in response, happy to be able to help his friend.

“What did it make you think of?” Steve asked. “It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it but it might help.”

Bucky was silent for a long time but finally he said, “The war. Mostly before you got there. Azzano, Austria. Some things from after the fall.”

Steve sucked in a shaky breath. “Bucky, I’m sorry. I should’ve found you sooner. I should have stopped you from falling.”

Bucky pulled back from him enough so he could look up at him. “Don’t do that. There’s nothing you could’ve done differently. And if it wasn’t for you I never would’ve got out of that Hydra base. No one else was coming after me.”

“I should’ve looked for you. After,” Steve said brokenly. Bucky didn’t reply for a moment.

“If you had found me, I would have had to watch you die in that plane. I would’ve lived my life and not made it to the future with you.”

“No,” Steve disagreed. “If I had found you, I wouldn’t have been so willing to go down with that plane. I went after Red Skull because I blamed him and Zola for your death. If you were there, I would have made damn sure I came home to you.”

“You can’t know that,” Bucky insisted. Steve shook his head but didn’t argue the point further.

They shifted until they were lying horizontally, still wrapped in each other’s arms.

“Can I ask you a question?” Bucky said hesitantly.

“Of course,” Steve replied immediately.

“What’s up with you and Carter? The young one, I mean,” Bucky said while sliding his hand over Steve’s chest absentmindedly. Steve shifted nervously.

“Oh um, honestly? I have no idea. Back when you first showed up, she was stationed as my neighbour to keep an eye on me. When I found out, I wasn’t too happy. But she was useful during the whole Triskelion thing so I forgave her. I didn’t really see her until the Accords happened. She helped us out. It kind of felt like the right thing to do. I know it was weird, her being Peggy’s niece and everything. I’m not in love with her or anything if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Hmm,” Bucky responded. He rested his head against Steve’s shoulder and moved his arm around Steve’s waist. “You know, I think I’m ready for that arm T’Challa’s got for me. Hugging you is difficult with only one.”

Steve chuckled, “If we’re lucky, it will be ready by the time we get back.”

“You know, it almost feels like the old days. You and me wrapped up in this tiny bed in this shitty apartment,” Bucky said wistfully.

“The only difference being our size. This bed feels much smaller than last time,” Steve said and Bucky had to admit he had a point. Steve’s back was against the wall, both their feet were hanging off the end and if Steve didn’t have Bucky pressed so tightly against him, he probably would have fallen to the floor.

“What all do you remember from back then?” Steve asked.

“Most of it, I think. I remember working on the docks and grabbing medicine for you on the way home. Coming home and finding you doodling in your sketchbook. All the different times you almost died on me.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Steve replied. “You know, that was one of the reasons why I volunteered for the serum. I knew if it worked, you wouldn’t have to take care of me anymore.”

“I liked taking care of you,” Bucky said softly. “Made me feel important. And I knew no one else would do it properly. I lied to you, by the way.”

“About what?”

“Enlisting. I didn’t. I got drafted. I didn’t want to go. I didn’t want to leave you. I knew you’d end up in a fight you couldn’t win and I wouldn’t be there to help you. Leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.”

“Why didn’t you come find me? Once you got some of your memories back.”

“I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me after what I did to you on the helicarrier. I shot you multiple times, Steve. I almost killed you,” Bucky said miserably.

“But you didn’t. All I wanted was to see you again. I drove Sam crazy looking for you. When I saw the news about you being the suspect for the UN bombing I hoped it was true just so I could find you.”

“I never got to eat my plums,” Bucky said as if just remembering something. Steve looked at him in confusion. “I bought plums that morning. Then you showed up and all hell broke loose.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. Seems to be a trend. We can get some plums in the morning,” Steve promised. Bucky smiled. He looked up and locked eyes with Steve. Steve was looking at him with unshielded affection. Bucky hadn’t seen that look in a very long time and he couldn’t help himself. He surged forward and pressed his lips to Steve’s. Steve froze for a moment before kissing him back desperately. He reached up and slid his hand into Bucky’s hair, angling the man for a deeper kiss.

After several moments they pulled back panting. Bucky rested his forehead against Steve’s and Steve tightened his grip on Bucky’s waist.

“Where did that come from?” Steve asked finally.

Bucky blushed. “Sorry. I didn’t plan on doing that.”

“But you’ve thought about it?” Steve looked hopeful. Bucky looked at him in amazement.

“Stevie, come on. Of course I’ve thought about it. Sometimes it’s the only thing I think about. It was one of the first things that came back after DC. It’s been there for forever.”

“Really?” Steve said in disbelief. “Even before I – “

“Yeah, doll, even before you got big.” Steve leaned in to kiss Bucky again and they continued trading soft kisses until they fell asleep wrapped in each other’s arms.

The next morning, they were awoken by a knock on the door. Steve slipped out of bed, pressing a kiss to Bucky’s forehead on the way. He cracked open the door to find Sam.

“Hey man, we gotta get going. T’Challa has a jet waiting for us,” Sam said in greeting.

“Uh, yeah. Of course,” Steve said. He didn’t notice Bucky coming up behind him until a strong arm wrapped around his waist and Bucky rested his head between Steve’s shoulder blades.

“Hey, Sam,” he mumbled. Sam smirked.

“Congrats guys. It’s about time,” was Sam’s reply before turning and heading down the hallway. Steve turned around and kissed Bucky gently.

“Time to go, Buck,” he said sadly.

“What’s wrong?” Bucky questioned.

“Once we get back to Wakanda, you’ll be going back into cryo,” Steve explained. “I just got you back and now this and I have to let you go again.”

Bucky sighed. “I want my arm back before I do anything. Might take a few days. We can spend them together. And I might have an idea about the programming.”

“Really? What are you thinking?” Steve exclaimed. Bucky smiled but said nothing. He took Steve by the hand and, locking the door behind them, lead him to the elevator and out of the apartment to a car.

 _It was the fourth of July_  
_You and I were_  
_you and I were fire, fire, fireworks_

**Author's Note:**

> I might add a follow up to this at some point that deals with Bucky getting the Hydra stuff out of his head but we'll see how it goes.


End file.
